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I have bee working with couples for quite sometime in my work as a pastor. In my opinion, and based on my experience, I think there are times when telling the truth can be a cruel thing to the one hearing the truth. I am not advocating for telling lies, but I am simply saying that some truths are better left untold. It is unkind to tell the truth simply because you want to clear your burdened conscience. This might be selfish to offload your sins to others, and then leave them with new emotional burdens and pains.

What happens when you are free from guilt, and the other person is hurting because of the burden of the truth you've just dumpped on them? I believe that there are times when secret sins should be repented of and confessed secretly to God, and then shut your mouth in order to save others. The other truth is that we are not resourced to deal with the hurt that we cause in others. It is easy to hurt, but difficult to participate in a healing process. Before you ease your guilt by telling a secret, hurting story about sins that you secretly committed and repented of, ask yourself: "Will I be ready to help or will I have resources to help the hurting spouse or friend?" Thanks

Tankiso Letseli,
Somerset West, South Africa

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i agree with leaving it untold.. finally. Women do not take that lightly nor appreciate the fact you were trying to be truthful. In fact, they feel very insecure. As far as men are concerned, we will like our partner to know the truth and admit your mistakes. But what I've learnt, if it is over and you have learnt, keep it as your own lesson...if you still want the marriage..

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That is a tough one. I think yes, because she needs to know there was something wrong with you or her or both and you can't resolve something without knowing it exists. There is also the possibility of pregnancy or disease that you have now exposed your wife to. I imagine someday it will all come out, so you might as well talk about it.

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infogirl
commented 1 year 7 months ago

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But, before taking any advice from anyone on a forum, contact someone you can get sound counsel from. There may be extenuating circumstances.

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Why? Because you love and respect your wife and you want her to love and respect you for being honest about screwing another woman? She probably thinks the world of you. Why tarnish her spirit and image of you. There's no good that will come from her knowing that you are a lowdown, degenerate scumbag!!

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I caught my husband cheating 3 years ago. He stopped the affair and is doing everything possible to save our marriage. The problem is, I want my marriage back without the adultery in the past and that's not possible. I wish I had never found out. I wish he been like you and stopped own his own and we would have lived happily ever after. Don't tell her because it will eat at her everyday just like a cancer and she will eventually lose her feelings for you when the shock wears off. I know!